Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
