Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i think my cat just said my name.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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