The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
