Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
