Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
