his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
