Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He felt like a one man threesome
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
