So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
