Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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