M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
