The maid of honor just puked.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize