Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
