i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
