i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
