are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
