The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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