Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
