ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
