Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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