my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
