Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
