i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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