Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
