exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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