Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize