I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
