So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
