I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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