is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
