After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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