Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
