So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
