why didn't you poke me back
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
