She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
