with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
