I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am available for nakedness
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
