I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My balls are so social today.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
