OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
