hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
