I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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