I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize