Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
