the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
