I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
