I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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