ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We named our party play list daddy issues
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
false alarm, still single
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize