all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
