Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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