omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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