I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
