O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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