my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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