"it" just moved
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
