Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
