i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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