I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I want is dick and wine.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
