Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dick very happy bro
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
