he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
