Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
