did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
