those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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