Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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