Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
