I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
