sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
