I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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