Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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