You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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