That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
