I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
