The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
