You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Your cock deserves a montage
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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