if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
