Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
