You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
