If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
