Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize