he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
