babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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