D3 body, D1 cock
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
