my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
