You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
