Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
