Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
