omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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