words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
