but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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