Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
