Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
