***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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