TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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