I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
