I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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