I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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