I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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