i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ketchup is God's man juice
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
