please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
