I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
