what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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