i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
