never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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