I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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