got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
