Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
